Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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