bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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