do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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