why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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