Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
