dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
