Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i now understand why vodka
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
