haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
