I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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