So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
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My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize