Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
