I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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