I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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