I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
