i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
