Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
