dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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