he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
