The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Who died my cat blue again?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
