Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
