My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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