Pants 0. Shit 1.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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