Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
