Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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