somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
