She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can text with my tongue
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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