Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
