ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
