great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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