I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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