Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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