i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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