Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
