First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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