My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
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I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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