I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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