Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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