Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
