I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
