Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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