she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Someone signed my nipple.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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