We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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