Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
