if you like me you must not know who I am
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
