Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
