Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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