Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
