3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
