You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize