I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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