No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
