Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
