Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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