omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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