It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
