Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
