If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
