if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
