..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
