My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
