No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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