i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
