Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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