ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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